Self Image
(warning; half baked philosophy follows)
I’ve decided that a lot of what most people term “morality” comes down to self image for me. Not the cataclysmic level stuff (murder and such) but rather the mostly non-illegal transgressions against others and social norms. I do or do not do things not because I have some sense of an externally imposed sense of right or wrong, but rather because I imagine myself to be a certain sort of person.
This approach certainly works as far as establishing a moral compass is concerned. I can take any question of “what is the right thing to do” and hold it up against the self image. That let’s me know if it’s okay or not.
The only problem is that the self image isn’t really me. Oh, it’s a pretty good analogue, but it’s been cleaned up for network TV, so to speak. In my heart I want things and feel things and think things that don’t fit in with it. These things are supposedly out of character for me.
The usual solution, unhealthy as it sounds when I write it down like this, is to suppress those non-conforming thoughts and feelings. To pretend they don’t exist. And most of the time that also works.
But it takes effort, and maintenance, and if I am sufficiently worn down, or distressed, I stop giving a shit about maintaining the self image. Then interesting things start to happen.
Because when I lose that, I’m left in the full realization that there are far fewer constraints on my actions than I pretend there are. And few things are more terrifying than freedom.
